The key to a happy retirement, I was told, is to keep busy.
When I learned this, I started putting together a list of writing projects to occupy my time after retirement, whenever that day should come. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far.
1. Write a TV movie adaptation of Reservoir Dogs for the Hallmark Channel.
2. Compose an orchestral suite strictly for use at clam bakes.
3. Translate Ulysses into English.
4. Invent a new literary genre.
5. Ghostwrite my own autobiography.
6. Create an animated grammar-adventure film for kids. Working title: Jason and the Jargon-nots.
7. Plagiarize my first novel.
8. Write instruction manuals for furniture assembly using epic poetry.
9. Create a massive list of original band names/social media usernames.
I’ve already put a big dent in #9. The others will have to wait — hopefully, as you’re thinking, for a long time.
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